Someone is already angry just reading this title. Let me
clarify. I DO believe misogyny exists (but I’m a sucker for alliteration). I am,
however, struggling to reconcile my own experience and the expressed
experiences of the women around me with the declarations of women talking about
how difficult it is to grow up female, and the daily discrimination they face due
to their gender. Everyone’s experiences are different and I do not mean to invalidate
anyone’s feelings but this is completely foreign to my own experience as a
woman and so many of the examples I read seem farfetched and distorted.
One flourishing example that has popped up on numerous occasions
explains that women may tend to say to a would-be suitor, whom they are not
interested in, that they have a boyfriend/fiancé/ husband instead of just
saying they are not interested, because “aggressive men are more likely to
defer to another man’s domain than to accept a woman’s autonomous rejection of
him.” This implies that such a justification for disinterest is made out of
fear instead of out of mercy (trying to let him down easy) or discomfort (it’s
tough to reject someone). I would argue that men are as likely to use the
girlfriend/ fiance/ wife excuse as women are and that this is not a subtle sign
of sexism but a natural conflict aversion tactic.
I work in a male dominated profession. I have had an older male superintendent repeatedly
try to goad me into going dancing with him (while I was trying to do my job),
only to later learn from coworkers that he was remarking about my complacency in
my profession in relationship to my gender. I was irritated and disgusted with
this information. It was inappropriate and misogynistic but it in no way gives
a picture of how I feel as a female living in the world today. Yes, all women
will experience harassment. All PEOPLE will experience harassment. Welcome to
life.
I am not a victim, and when there are so many incredibly
important issues and tragedies that NEED our attention, I don’t want the false impression
of my victimization to be a distraction. Certainly, don’t be a sexist, but I don’t
think this issue deserves the attention we are giving it.
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